Vox in Vegas (the $499 divorce)

I recently had occasion to be in Las Vegas for the second time this year (c'mon - the pinball hall of fame is out there, so who can blame me) and witnessed the apparent counterpart to the Vegas Chapel of Love quickie marriage - the $499 divorce.  Loud billboards with cartoon superheroes proclaiming "Captain Divorce will save you for only $499" were everywhere.  After questioning the wisdom of trusting the legal division of every important facet of your life to a cartoon character, I wondered who would fall for this marketing ploy.  It reminded me of the TV and newspaper ads of years ago where a seedy fellow would loudly proclaim "Riiight...  I'll paint any car for $99.95".  I never had occasion to purchase a $99 paint job for one of my cars, but I'm guessing there may have been some quality and longevity issues, along with some likely hidden fees.  I'm sure the old "no runs, drips, or errors" claim didn't apply, and I'd be willing to bet you had to pay extra for such niceties as sanding down the old paint, and taping off your windows and brake lights before they were painted over.  I'm also guessing the $99 paint job didn't look nearly as good two years down the line as when it rolled out of the shop bay.

So, you ask, how does all of this relate to what we do as divorce attorneys at Vox Law?  The answer is that we don't provide $499 divorces and we never will.  However, much like a professionally done paint job versus the $99 one, what we provide is of higher quality, longer lasting, has no hidden fees, and will often save our clients money in the long run.  What the $499 fellows don't tell you is that the number they quote does not include a court filing fee - often $400 or more.  The $499 also doesn't often include access to an attorney who can answer questions you may have about your rights, or even simply how things like 401k's can be divided, or options for the family home.  The $499 doesn't explain what the effects of custody labels are or make financial calculations for spousal maintenance.  All of that is extra - if it is even available.   I have yet to see even the most amicable couple make it through an entire divorce process without needing at least a few legal questions answered expertly.

What about if a divorcing couple doesn't have a house or any kids - or they have an agreement on how everything should be split?  Doesn't the $499 option make sense then?  Nope.  First, it is important to remember that we bill by the hour (with some of the most competitive rates in the state, I might add), so if a couple truly does have minimal issues, or can achieve resolutions on their own, the amount of billed hours is going to be low anyway - and we always encourage clients to work out as many issues on their own as possible.  More importantly, we have the expertise and experience to make sure the agreements that are reached are written up clearly, as the parties intend, and will withstand the test of time.  I can't count how many times I have seen people fight ongoing and expensive post-decree battles because their Judgment and Decree were written ambiguously, or did not represent what they thought they were agreeing to.  We always work to ensure that our clients completely understand any agreement reached and that everything is drafted to be unambiguous and final.  Also, it is extremely important to know what the law says about your case - a $499 scrivener isn't going to tell you if you may be entitled to spousal maintenance, retirement assets, make determinations of non-marital assets, or calculate child support.

Hiring the attorneys at Vox Law to handle your divorce will cost more than $499.  However, the money saved and peace of mind achieved by having a professional handle something that impacts literally each and every aspect of your life is well worth the potential extra expense in the long run.  As far as I can tell, nobody is painting cars for $99 anymore - even if they were, I wouldn't take something I care about as much as my car there, just as I certainly wouldn't trust a cartoon character to handle a divorce that will have an impact on the rest of my life.